Top 10 Things I have Learned From Star Trek: The Next Generation

10- The Holodeck will always malfunction as soon as you step into it.

9- Klingons will kill anything just to kill it.

8- Geordi will never get laid.  Ever.

7- Vulcans are assholes.

6- The Borg haven't killed you yet because they haven't seen you yet.

5- As soon as there is time to relax, something blows up.

4- Even in the future, bald white men rule the world.

3- Everyone wants to have sex with William Riker.

2- Data could run everything-he just chooses not to.

1- When in doubt, blame the Romulans.

I don't really feel like reading news stories today, so I'm just gonna make some shit up and assume I know what a story is about by reading the headlines.

Mandela Joins Stars at London Gig:
Ok, so a bunch of celebrities got together to celebrate Nelson Mandela's birthday. Yay! You're old and haven't died/been killed/assassinated by white trash! Congrats Mandela! What better way to fight injustice than have a HUGE PARTY! The president probably wasn't invited, because I'm sure his dad had some major money in Apartheid or something.
At this party, Mandela probably said something like, "we're doing well, but we probably can be doing more! I'm looking at you, UK!


US Body Snatch Mastermind Jailed:
This is probably about some loser old white guy in Big City USA who was in some profession where he was in a position to be alone with small white women and he took them and raped them and held them against their will and blah blah blah... I've gotta say that something like this happens like 50 times a year and people are still super surprised when some nasty old white guy takes a bunch or girls and rapes them or holds them for ransom or whatever. We should just cage all the white guys. Problem solved! I just saved the world, on to the next one.

Widespread HIV Testing Sought in the Bronx:
Ok, so everyone knows that all black people have AIDS. Or, as it should be called, The GRID. So what better place to test for The GRID than in the one place where all black people live? I mean, think about it. Just like everyone knows black people all have The GRID, everyone also knows that black people live in only 3 places in the world: Akifra, South Chicago, and the Bronx. So, all the testers are doing is just going out into the streets (bulletproof vests are MANDATORY) and handing out HIV meds and tests to everyone they see. So, if all of the sudden half of the people in the Bronx die, they know that the meds didn't work. However, if the meds did work and half of the people in the Bronx are suddenly cured of all GRID-like symptoms, then the testers know two things: First that the meds work to give to everyone else, and Second, that the government needs to carpet bomb the Bronx because although their experiment succeeded, it also failed at the same time.

This probably made no sense. I should stop doing this so late at night so it will make sense one time.

SECOND POST!

First of all, there is CRAZY flooding in the midwest. This is concerning to me in two ways: First, I live relatively close to where the flooding has occurred (by close, I mean like 3 to 4 hours away), and it could easily tear shit apart where I live. Secondly, this proves my theory that the earth is pissed off. The planet is much bigger and much smarter than us, and it can easily wipe some shit out, as we have seen repeatedly in the last few years.


Well, it looks like The America might be in a race to see who can bomb Iran first. That's right, Israel is preparing to attack. This is no big surprise, considering Israel hates Iran, probably more than we do. I wonder if our Lame Duck President will try to beat them to it?
Not that I'm 100% against the measure. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is one crazy fuck. However, we still have no proof that Iran's nuclear program is for weapons development, and all nations are free to pursue the knowledge of harnessing nuclear energy.
Besides, Iran isn't as stupid as we think. If Iran built a nuke and actually launched it, the rest of the world would have that entire nation obliterated within 24 hours. They would sneak it into someplace like Yemen and then fire it at somebody. Probably The America. Or who knows, maybe they would surprise us and nuke France. Nobody likes them anyways.
I would like to imagine the conversation between the UN and Yemen after that:

UN: Yemen!

Y: What?

UN: Why did you nuke Paris?

Y: It wasn't me! I didn't do it!

UN: But we have pictures of you doing it! Big ones! Explain yourself out of that bag!

Y: OK OK! It was me! But Iran made me! I swear! Don't hurt me!

UN: Sorry, but you know protocol when it comes to nuking things. To make things right, we have to nuke you MORE.

Y: Awww! Do you have to?

UN: Sorry. America says if we don't, we can't play outside anymore.

Y: Ok ok. Just get it over with, please. And try not to make it hurt too bad.

UN: Sorry, no promises.

...Ok, that entire thing made no sense.

Lastly, a bit of oddball news: 17 girls from the same school in Massachusetts have become preggers AT THE SAME TIME. To this, I say HELLS YEAH! Nothing like having a baby before you're 16 to really contribute to society!
These girls supposedly entered into a 'pregnancy pact' together to have their babies at the same time, and they're looking to movies like Juno and Knocked Up for a scapegoat. Now, my memory has never been great, but I think I remember those movies showing how SHITTY and TERRIBLE pregnancies are. And in Juno, the central plot of the movie is that she is giving the baby away to more capable people. Fuck, people are retarded. Just like how people blamed Ultima Online when some fat, old, depressed, mentally unstable loser killed himself over some online 'relationship.' Gee, it couldn't have been the fact that he was depressed and mentally unstable. NO, GOODNESS NOT! Let's blame some uninvolved third party! That's the American Way!


And I'm done. Go listen to Brother Ali.

First Post!

Ok, first blog. By the way, I really hate that word. Blog. That word sucks. I'm never to use it again.
Well, I guess I'm gonna look at the headlines on news and then comment on them. Because what I have to say is so fucking important that you all should pay attention. Plus, I know that a lot of you are Americans, and could really care less about basically anything that's not about Paris Hilton's crotch or Hanna Montana's smut video or something.

So, first on the list today: The House approved more war funding. Nothing like sticking it to The Lame Duck like giving him almost exactly what he wanted. I mean, I suppose it's a good idea to give our soldiers equipment so they can fight and stuff (since there are no plans to bring them back anytime soon), but you think that there would be more hubbub about this like there was the last time we gave money to the war. We know Kucinich is pissed, but that's probably because he comes up to his wife's thigh.

Next on stories interesting enough to comment on: The EU is lifting its' sanctions on Cuba. This would be a bigger deal, but the sanctions have actually been suspended since 2005, so it's more of a "look how altruistic we are!" kind of move. The America is pissed though. We still can't get over the fact that their Red Bastard country hasn't imploded due to it's own Red Bastard form of government yet. Plus, we're still really pissed at Elian Gonzalez for going back to Cuba and loving the Castro family. We cared for that boy, and he just leaves!? Just because he had to!? Fucker.

Lastly, Mugabe is killing more people in Zimbabwe. Surprise!
Well, officially he's not killing anybody. All the people in Zimbabwe are just making things up. You know, all the people who claim they have been beaten and starved by their government, that's just crazy liberal talk. People are just pissed that Mugabe has figured out what no other government leader has: if you act fucking crazy, people outside leave you alone.
I mean, think about it. We sure as hell aren't doing anything. We just send Condy over to Africa to wag a finger (her Brown-ness makes her look like we really care), and that's really it. The EU hasn't done anything besides say, "this is pretty fucked up." And Mugabe is sitting up in Zimbabwe, just chillin. Really, the only other person that has this kind of strategy going is this guy.
That's right. It's a picture of Kim Jong-Il. Try to get that one out of your brain.